I started writing this awhile ago, but didn't finish/post, for a few reasons, such as not wanting to sound like a whiner and just feeling it was too personal, but now that I'm feeling a little more positive (depression has been upgraded to a "little funk") maybe posting will be helpful (to me; to others, I'm not sure) but it is part of the adventure and have decided to finish this blog and post it...
If you have committed considerable time and energy to training and competing in a major endurance event, you've probably suffered from some post-race depression (PRD) too. It is feeling down, lethargic or sad at some point after your event is over. A major endurance event that you care a lot about requires a tremendous physical, psychological and emotional investment causing you to put in considerable time, energy and effort into your training and to make substantial sacrifices in other parts of your life. Your life becomes almost completely focused around the event. For months of training your goals, thoughts and focus were clearly defined. You had an objective and direction; your life had purpose. When the event is over, you can feel like you are missing a significant part of your self-identity. The lack of direction can make you seem lost and/or rudderless.
One of the common mistakes athletes make, to try and deal with PRD is to start back training again too early. Performing at a high intensity in training for and during the endurance event, will likely require the body to take a break after to rest and recouperate. The body will, in a way, shut down, since it no longer has to be on supercharge. Many find they get sick for the 1st time in months. The need for the body to be physically on down time can also contribute to the "down" thoughts and emotions. You may miss the activity and/or the friends you train with.
I knew about PRD from my Ironman experience and thought I had a good plan to minimize it after my swim. I gave myself 3 weeks of complete laziness. I went to LOST swims with Bill, not to swim but just for the camaraderie and to give me a sense that life wasn't so different from before the crossing. My shoulders were still quite sore (still are) so I was going to start back with running. I had missed it! And I have some running goals (yes BQ) which I hoped would be obtainable in the next year, particularly with my aging up. I also thought it would be a good way to start back into some physical activity, since my legs were fully recovered from my swim, it would be no problems right? Things went well my 1st week running, I went very slowly and ran only short distances, with only tiny increases in speed and distance each day. But then in my 2nd week of running, suffering with some PRD, I picked up the intensity and did an interval set. The thing is cardiovascular wise I was fit... and honestly I have become quite fond of the adrenalin rush from a hard workout and/or pushing myself...but I knew I did the wrong thing as soon as I was done this harder workout (yes I pushed through it to complete the workout. Pain - it's such a fine line between good and bad). The pain in my knee was more then just some tender muscles, I had pushed it too much, and running was out the window now too... It actually took more rest then I expected to get back to being able to run again, but now I just think it was my body's way of telling me to Take A Break!
I've never been really injured before and count my blessings; but being out of both running and swimming for a bit really killed me. I just get so much joy out of physical activity and these sports in particular! And they have been such a big part of my life for basically ever. I guess even when I've hurt one body part in the past I've been able to do something else that didn't require much use of the injured part. (which really is one of the benefits of multi-sports such as triathlon.) This complete inactivity was new to me and emotionally draining.
And then there is the getting fat problem. For the swim I was specifically working on putting on weight. I had to specifically trick my mind into breaking my eating slowly and not over eating habits. I did put on some weight but it was difficult because of the exercise I was doing. But then I went to no exercise and it is harder to get the good eating habits back then it was to lose them. Because I generally keep fit even when I don't have a crazy endurance event to train for I never really have had to be concerned with what I eat. I know by writing this I am losing sympathy, but what can I say, this is the heaviest I have ever been (besides being pregnant, and I'm even getting close to that!) and I hate it! I don't want to buy bigger clothes because I want it to be temporary but squishing into clothes that are too tight now is not good for the esteem!
With respect to my shoulder, I will tell you I was quite scared of getting it diagnosed. The possibility of shoulder surgery weighed on me. And the longer it went without any healing progress, the more I believed thats what it was going to require. I thought I was preparing myself for the worst but really I was just adding to my depression. And thankfully it was unneccessary, as I am very happy to tell you that I have learned I have superspinatus tendinosis in my shoulders. It's common in elite swimmers, I just managed to get it without being elite! Although it is serious, it doesn't require surgery, it will take time, some treatment for the inflammation, physiotherapy and more rest!
If you know me, you know I'm missing swimming right now and my swimming friends, but I am focusing my swimming energy on some other things I enjoy which were slightly neglected by my Lake O adventure...
And while my shoulders are still injured I will be taking great care now to at least be able to run/bike and try to appreciate doing it at a lower intensity for awhile.
So I am back running, but this time I'm going very slow for at least a month and stopping at the first sign of pain in the knee. I have also started some biking, again, very slowly too, but I hope this helps build some strength in the legs too, which ultimately will help the running. I still have the BQ running dream for this year, but it's in a "may be possible to try for it" idea, but first I need to (re)build, and really not think about a goal because it's hard to hold back pushing myself.
Anyways there is still lots to keep me busy and happy... And I know I will come out of this little funk stronger for it.
P.S. In case you do just think I'm whining, I do know that it was worth it! (but knowing it didn't make this period all that much easier) I need to and will live in the present and know the future holds more great adventures, I will try and be patient and smell the flowers for awhile.
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